Work

I’m here today because I think I’m about to lose my job. I’ve worked as a nurse in the downtown hospital for the last five years. It’s a great job. I like seeing people and helping people and even when they’re bitchy and pushy I just love all the interaction. And they like me. I’m really good at my job. Anyway, I started dating this girl recently and I don’t really have time for work anymore. Her name is Vicky and she’s really great. We met at a grocery store three blocks from where I live. She goes there every Wednesday at three in the afternoon after she gets off from work. We were both looking for avocados and I asked her if she knew how to tell if they were ripe. She wasn’t familiar so I told her how to hold it and squeeze it for firmness and she laughed and said that if it was a pick-up line it was working. We went on a date two nights later and had sex for hours after that. We’ve been seeing each other for the last three weeks. I really like her. She’s got a way with people. Kind of like me at my job, but different somehow. Better. Like she’s happy to see you and genuinely interested in everything you say, like she’s hearing everything for the first time. It’s kind of intimidating. A lot of the time I don’t feel as interesting as she thinks I am. I think sometimes that she’s pretending I’m interesting and really I’m not and that maybe she does this with everybody. Maybe she doesn’t think anybody’s interesting at all. Or maybe it’s just me that’s not interesting and she’s miserable and trying to get away. I don’t know. Anyway, like I said, I’m worried about my job. I haven’t really been in the last few days, but I’ve had a lot of things I had to do. Two weeks ago Thursday Vicky said that she was going to be at work until five and then downtown at the gym until six-thirty, but when I was walking home from downtown at four I saw her sitting at a café with a few girls I didn’t know. I can’t figure out why she would lie about what she was doing. If I can’t trust her about what she says she’s going to do then what else is she lying about? She’s such a great person and I’m so happy and I don’t want anything to wreck it, so I called into work the next day and faked a cough. They don’t really care; there’s tons of nurses. I knew her schedule and waited a few minutes after she left before I followed her. I was just going to make sure that she was actually going to work like she said, but since she didn’t lie about work before I decided to wait around to see if she also went to Yoga after. She always does Yoga on Fridays after work because she says it helps her entire weekend remain focused. That all happened right on schedule, but instead of coming home right away she stopped and talked with the instructor for fifteen minutes after class. They were laughing and I just knew it was about me. About my job or the way I dress or how my penis doesn’t quite measure up to what she’s had before. I couldn’t believe they were talking about me like that, and laughing. When she came to my place later I was so angry I could barely stand to be in the same room with her, but I couldn’t leave because I didn’t trust her to be alone. We barely spoke that night. I apologized the next morning. Told her it was something I ate. That I’d had too much coffee and that my patients at work were dying left and right. She smiled and hugged me and we kissed. I love her so much. She’s perfect in every way. When she left for work I was as happy as the first time we’d met. But I had to know. I followed her again. And the next day. I gradually quit calling into work. I just didn’t go. I had to make sure we were always happy. I watched her yesterday at a bus stop while she waited. She sat next to an old man with a cane who kept looking down the street in the direction the bus would come. They weren’t talking, but I’m sure he was thinking that this girl deserves a better boyfriend than whatever she’s got right now. What in the hell would make him think something like that? Anyway, I guess I haven’t talked much about what I came here for today. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna lose my job. Anybody have any advice?